Why Talking About Your Relationship Could Be Hurting It
Talking about your relationship with a man may make you feel more connected, but it doesn’t work this way for him.
Imagine you’re seeing a new man. You’re spending more and more time with him, and you two seem to really hit it off. Every time you see him, you’re connecting and getting closer. So…why isn’t he moving things forward quickly enough? Can’t he see how great the two of you are together? Shouldn’t you remind him?
THE TWO RELATIONSHIP ROLES
I know it’s frustrating to spend more and more time with a man when he’s not taking the relationship to the next level as quickly as you’d like. And when this happens, a woman often feels tempted to talk to a man about their relationship in order to make him see why he should be making more of a commitment.
But there’s a dynamic that happens in relationships that can short-circuit this effort. In a relationship, when one person becomes the “convincer” – that is, the person trying to make the other see why they SHOULD do something – then the other person naturally takes on the role of the “resister.” The more the convincer pushes, the more the resister resists! And if you’re the convincer in your relationship, a man will naturally withdraw. You’ll start feeling insecure, and he’ll withdraw more. A vicious cycle is born.
UNDERSTAND HIS COMMITMENT TIMELINE
There are always exceptions, but men tend to move toward commitment at a much slower pace than women. A man needs to feel what it’s like to have you in his life before he realizes how much happier he is with you than without. This needs to happen gradually and over time.
A man also wants to feel that you want HIM, not just a commitment. He has his own fears – namely, that a woman is more interested in her own agenda than in him as a person. So, the best thing you can do to speed up a man’s commitment pace is to steady your own. Stay present during the journey and resist the urge to focus solely on the destination. Make him feel, every step of the way, that you appreciate him and enjoy being with him.
CREATE A FOUNDATION OF POSITIVE EXPERIENCE
Let me give you an insight that has the power to change your relationships with men for the better: men want to LIVE a relationship rather than talk about it. The way to let a man see that his life is far better with you in it is to consistently create a solid foundation of positive experiences together.
You do this by enjoying a variety of things with him – taking your dog for a walk together, playing a sport you both enjoy, going on trips, even just talking about his day. It’s in these moments that a man will feel a true connection with you. When he experiences positive moments like this with you, it makes him want to get closer. And the closer he gets, the more secure you’ll feel.