You Know You are a Super Mom on Steroids When…

On a radio interview the other day, I coined the term super moms on steroids. At least I haven’t heard anyone else use the term. It seems like a pretty apt description of what is happening on the playgrounds these days. The topic was how we hurt ourselves by trying to be the perfect parent. Our generation didn’t invent this phenomenon, but we have taken it to a whole new height.

We admire Martha Stewart, and even envy her, but do you really like her? Probably not, if you are like most women who feel somehow less-than because we can’t churn out perfectly thought-out meals, decor, and yards, etc. etc. Yet despite not even liking her and others who seem too perfect to be true, we are more and more obsessed with trying to project a perfect image of ourselves and our children to the rest of the world,

Just like Jeff Foxworthy helped everyone identify if you were a red neck, I’d like to offer a sample list to help you with your self-identification. Don’t worry, there is a support group you can join if you say yes to one or more of the following!

You may be a Super Mom on Steroids if:

  • You feel like MURDERING your child because he or she made you look less than perfect (Fortunately you have perfected the art of hissing your death threats).
  • You feel PROUDER of your child’s A on her report than she does (probably because you worked harder on it than her).
  • You NEVER leave the house until every hair is in place, both yours AND your kids (Kids needing to go into emergency in the middle of the night presents an absolute crisis in priorities).
  • You CAN’T FUNCTION without the use of professional organizing tools such as day timers or software to keep track of your kid’s events (thank God for that new app that lets you sync that software with your iPhone).
  • IT KILLS YOU to wait five minutes in line at Starbucks (that’s because it takes all five of your body’s patience cells).
  • You NEED CAFFEINE to keep your insane schedule going, and to keep yourself from touching the ground (so expecting you to be patient in Starbucks is not fair actually).
  • You can say GREAT, in answer to a query about how you are, (even though you know your Prozac isn’t working anymore and you just had a panic attack in your vehicle minutes earlier)
  • Your kids are on MORE MEDICATION than you are (This sometimes makes you feel like the saner one).
  • You debate the merits of your kids getting plastic surgery (after all, if their nose isn’t perfect, how will they survive in this cruel, superficial world)

Although I am making fun of the Super Mom on Steroids, in reality, it usually isn’t funny to live that way. It is very ironic that trying to be perfect so often produces such horrible results. Perfectionism is a gladiator sport, with your sanity often being the victim.

Next week I’ll write about THE DARK SIDE of trying to be a Super Mom on steroids. Even though I touched on some pretty dark aspects of the pursuit of perfection today, I was only talking about the women who stay in the battle and feel that perfectionism is still attainable. The mothers who’ve internalized the ideal but just can’t even come close make up another huge set of casualties.

Let me know about your experience of living in a world where Super Mom is idealized and internalized. How has your life been affected? Leave a comment below. Then include your friends in the discussion by sharing this on Facebook, Twitter, or other social media, using the buttons listed at the top of the blog or below.

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